30th of September, 2021, South-Spain, Andalusia.
Hey Visitor!:) I’m Martin. I grew up in Hungary in a small city called Kecskemét. I have a university degree in political science which thank God I never used. I started working as an online marketer, and did it for 4 years or more. First as an employee – in startups and a fucking bank (imagine those tough tasks and challenges a marketing assistant could have in a bank) and then as a solopreneur. Please don’t yawn just yet. Boring biography-like part over.
So probably I would have lived an ordinary, grey, unhappy life until 65 and then just fucking died. Probably. But we’ll never know. Because in 2020 I was diagnosed with testicular cancer.
Actually, I’m grateful for it. Immensely grateful. Almost everything I have in life now is because of those tough and exhausting months.
I had to dig so deep during that time that I discovered things I never knew I always had. Forgotten, buried, untapped. Now I know. I know how ridiculously strong I am. Especially mentally.
You know what’s the funny part? We all are.
I learned how to communicate with people who are close to me. I learned to appreciate every day. Every sunrise, every sunset. I love the Sun. Sometimes I can feel the teardrops on my face watching the sunset. I realized I am connected to nature. Like every human being. But just knowing it and actually feeling it are two different things.
I love to breathe. the air. our planet. the animals. i love life. i love to live. to be alive.
I needed this. A huge blow. My body has changed forever. I have a beautiful scar which will always remind me that life can be taken away at any moment from anyone.
Sometimes I have these reminders in my head when I’m having a good time. “Martin, appreciate these moments because this will be just another memory sooner than you would think.”
It might be a cliché, but honestly, it’s up to us if we just exist, or live.
But there is an ugly part too.
I changed. In a year I lived in countless different places, did so many new things, and sometimes I just felt so much fucking anxiety I couldn’t breathe. I was frustrated. The fuck I was supposed to do in this new life?
I had my own, comfortable life before, you know. I had a tiny marketing agency, my own flat, I had just enough money. I was just starting a podcast with my friends. I went to the gym religiously, cooked my meals and my confidence levels were so high. I had my routine. And after years I finally had a new relationship. But they all slipped away after cancer.
Losing my then-girlfriend opened my eyes. She had to watch the person she loves become someone else. Someone stuck in the past. Blind to the present. Afraid of the future.
I learned the biggest lesson of my life after that. And I also realized that I have lost my purpose. I thought cancer took everything from me. But that is a fucking lie I kept telling myself until I became the very same person who I vowed after my parents divorced I would never become.
Cancer didn’t take shit from me because I was always in control. I voluntarily gave them away.
But as I mentioned, I am grateful for all the pain. The things that have happened in 2020 and 2021 have put me on a different path. Being transformed into a brave, gentle, loving and caring man. And I love this path.
If you told me a year ago that I would be living alone and actually succeeding in an unknown country saying fuck off to my comfort zone just like that? Going to dance classes, jumping out of a plane, rebuilding my marketing agency, having a blog, investing and trading crypto and actually making money? Add to the top that I’m learning Spanish and after 10 years I’m back at kickbox classes. What. The. Fuck? I would have just laughed. What more are we capable of if we conquer our inner bitch and just simply keep moving?
The End is the Beginning and the Beginning is the End.
So why should you read me? I should try to sell myself but I have no idea. Maybe that’s why? Honestly, I’m exploring life. Myself. Learning new things. Languages. Meeting new people. Doing things I never even dreamed of doing.
Before my surgery I just existed. Lived like a ghost. No future. Work every day to be able to pay rent and food, daydream about a life I want and then not do a single fucking thing about it.
Now I’m actively searching for things that make me happy. I just want to be happy, really. And fall in love with myself again in the process. To respect myself for the person I am. For my unique values, my character. And I can safely say these are the first steps we all need to take.
This is my journey. As raw and as honest as it gets.
See, that’s why you should read me! Because it is raw. I don’t give a fuck about what people would think reading my blog. I don’t mind showing my vulnerabilities anymore.